I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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