peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Your dad touched me again.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
