I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
