If i come over, it means nothing
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
