It's like God shit irony all over that family
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Found the puke drawer
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
