What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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