So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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