i don't like sucking hair
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize