the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
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