Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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