i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
