Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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