my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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