is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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