My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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