I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
