she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
