drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize