Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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