his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize