He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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