Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Randomize
