it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
