I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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