Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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