bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
