he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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