I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
