Welp...herpes.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
