I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
well you can't waste a boner
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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