im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
