My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
