Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
did you just send me my own nude
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
