yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
