she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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