RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
