Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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