I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
