Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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