everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
