When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize