He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
