So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
how does that bad decision feel?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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