If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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