Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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