But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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