I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
