I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
