You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
this just has baby written all over it
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
