I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
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I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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