I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
My vagina just clenched in fear
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