My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
