First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
