you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
