Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
