Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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