oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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