im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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