Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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