I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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