I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
