and you said cock pushups were impossible
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
