the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
