And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
