i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Randomize
