I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
