My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
