the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Omg I joined a choir last night...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
