I wannas sexs uuuuu
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
