OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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