I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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