U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
