I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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