Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize