you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
