maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
