I think I am morally bankrupt
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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