stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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