I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
