you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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