So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
