They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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