I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
