sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
