Hey man sorry I got all grabby
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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