Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
