And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
that may or may not have been my penis.
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