i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
