but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
