I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
It's shark week go big or go home
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize