Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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