Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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