i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
