Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
