U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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