I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
