i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Randomize
