Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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