Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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