I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
