I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
