Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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