I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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