I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize